Sunday, December 1, 2013

How to lie like a pro.

Lies, Lies and lies

I think everyone's lied at least once in they're life. Here I am going to share with you.... some good lies, and ways to get out of things, as I consider myself a pro at this, even though it never really works out how I want. So here are my 'professional' tips on How To Lie Like A Pro.

Step 1

Always plan it out in your head. Make sure you know exactly what to say, you don't want to hesitate with your words else they're know your lying. 

Step 2

Getting out of things you don't want to go to.
Phone the person up (always easier to lie on the phone) and say this: *ring ring ring ring* "Hello, it's ______, I am phoning about later on, I don't think i'll be able to make it I have a really bad headache, and i'm like almost dying it's that bad, it's such a shame I would have loved to come, but yeah, thanks bye!"
Now the trick with that is, if you don't stop just say it all very quickly then hangup they have no chance to speak so they cannot argue back, plus it saves time. 

Step 3

Now you know how to get out of things (via phone) You will need to learn how to get out of things face-to-face. When your lying face-to-face, facial expressions are crucial. So before you go out to lie practice at home your facial expressions, especially practice your thinking face, make it look con-vincible, because if you get stuck with things to say when your lying, they're just think you've forgotten what you were gonna say.

Step 4

Once you've mastered faces, your all ready to go. When your speaking do not hesitate at all, make  sure the person your lying to has no time to speak, then it will all be fine:-) At the end just say, "sorry, need to go to the toilet." and walk off, simples.
(If there's no toilets around, go hide behind a bush or something)

Step 5

Lying about an object that's really important, and you've lost it. 
Now this a pretty difficult one I would say on the scale of tricky lies a 8/10, but no need to worry.
Now say you've lost a key, you're parents have no idea, until they look for the key, they then go: "Have you seen the keys sweetie-pie?" You then say *with a surprised expression on your face* "No? Why?" They then say, "Well, I can't find them anywhere!" You go (again surprised face) "Let me help you find them." They will then say,"Aw how mature of you, your so nice!"
And there never know it was you, eventually they cant find the key anywhere they go get  new key cut, and everything is fine and they have no idea it was you. 
As you can see this involves all the expert tricks of lying, so i suggest you try to avoid this at all costs.

Step 6

Lying to stop yourself getting embarrassed.
I'm sure alot of people do this, its just natural to protect yourself from embarrassment. Now an important trick is to practice not going red. I'm not sure how you 'practice not going red' but i'm sure Google can tell you.
Once you've mastered that your ready. Here's a possible scenario: Your friend comes up to you and goes: "Are you going out with Steve?" You then reply "No,ew, did you go out with Mary?" And then the other person gets embarrassed instead, and all of a sudden you've completely changed the conversation without anyone knowing. HA. SUCKERS.  And because the person who went out with Mary is so embarrassed they completely forget about what they asked you. Simple. Done.

Those are some helpful, tricks of lying. 

**May i just add, LYING IS A VERY NAUGHTY THING TO DO. DO NOT DO IT. (unless you have too, which is quite often, actually.)**

If you ever get caught the only tip I have for you is to run away, somewhere. Yeah.


p.s. I found I had a dimple today.

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